‘Look on the Bright Side You Say?’ The Dangers of Toxic Positivity During the Pandemic

A Year into the Pandemic

The term ‘it is okay to not be okay’ has made its rounds across several blogs, websites, and even mental health platforms [1]. At the time of writing, Malaysia’s infection rate is at an all-time high (R0 = 1.19). Most of us have heard dire news of someone we’re close to contracting the virus or perhaps experienced the loss of their job. In light of such trying times, you may have been inundated by pretty, picturesque motivational graphics on Instagram advising you to cultivate positivity as an antidote to the stressors brought upon by the pandemic. Such messages may seem well-intentioned at first, perhaps an effort by the poster to empathize with those completing their studies or taking their first steps into the challenging job market. These messages, they may think, are, well-intended, serving to inspire the reader and make the future seem less scary and uncertain. Perhaps such messages serve an effective counterbalance to the regular headlines that paint a more pessimistic tone. Indeed, it is not uncommon to see headlines such as ‘worst job market since the 2008 financial crisis’ when one searches for news online in recent times.

Jobseekers may even be repeatedly told to be grateful by their well-meaning friends and family members. Such ‘advice’ revolves around suggestions that they should learn to count their blessings, instead of dwelling on the lost opportunities or what could have been. But while those hearing such advice can be grateful for their health, family and privileged backgrounds, such statements rarely make the recipient better. As rejection letters from job applications pile up, some may even begin to question their ambitions, aspirations, and self-worth. Rejection is not an easy pill to swallow, and no number of positive thoughts could attempt to change that – especially in these trying times.

Psychological research – particularly those from positive psychology, has indeed highlighted the benefits of positive emotions, and how they can be beneficial for physical health and mental wellbeing [2]. Critics of the field, however, state that all good things can turn bad, especially in excessive, uncontrolled doses, turning toxic and detrimental to one’s well-being. For one, forcing others to be grateful during these trying times can actually be detrimental to their well-being. Genuine gratitude, for instance, should be an authentic experience upon the realization that one has received benefits and blessing. As such, it should not feel obligatory or forced. Believing that one should adopt a positive mindset even in dire and difficult circumstances is an example of toxic positivity.

Defining Toxic Positivity

Toxic positivity is the overgeneralization of a happy attitude to a point it results in the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience [3]. By disallowing the expression of certain feelings or suppressing our negative emotions, we only bring harm to ourselves as we fail to acknowledge and accept that unpleasant, even challenging emotions, are useful – they are just not very comfortable ones to deal with. When one begins to fake a cheery persona all the time, one also disillusions themself into thinking that everything is going great when it really isn’t. Research shows that these suppressed emotions can manifest as anxiety, stress, and depression [4]. As mental health struggles have risen over the past year, toxic positivity has, unfortunately, only served to exacerbate the negative effects of the pandemic on mental health. Toxic positivity prevents people from working through their serious issues in a healthy, adaptive way. What are some of the positive expressions that may be unknowingly toxic and are frequently encountered during the pandemic? Here are a few you may have heard.

“You Could Have Had it Worse.”

In a situation where a friend has fallen ill, you may have been guilty of responding with “At least it wasn’t COVID!” Did you perhaps receive a pay cut because of the pandemic? An unhelpful toxic response might be, “Well, at least you still have a job!”. Even if one were to contract the virus, a toxically positive response might sound like, “Oh you should be grateful that you are still alive.” Many of these statements are insensitive and fails to validate one’s emotional experiences. For one, it is not helpful to compare your suffering with that of others. This is a maladaptive way of coping and leaves little space for shared understanding. Additionally, sugar-coating others’ pain only benefits the person making such statements; it does little to help connect or empathize with the other party. Research has also highlighted that such comparisons result in more (not less) unhappiness [5]. We are reminded that the situation has the potential to worsen, and as such, opt to downplay the negative emotions expressed by others so that we don’t experience those unpleasant emotions. In one study, when cancer patients meet other cancer patients whose conditions have deteriorated, they reported feeling threatened, as it was a reminder that the same thing could happen to them too [6]. In such instances, toxic positivity may be exhibited, because we wish to downplay the severity of others’ negative experience and emotions so that we too, don’t feel nor get affected by them.

“It’ll be Fine.”

This statement presents a dismissing view that there really is no problem to be addressed and shuts out the possibility for further contemplation. Forcing an individual to be positive when it simply isn’t natural is counterintuitive. Sending these positive messages denies the sense of despair and only serves to alienate those who are already struggling. These persistent reminders amid strife do not make sadness, fear or anxiety dissipate, but instead, contributes to social isolation [7].

“It is What it is.”

Any under circumstance, we can acknowledge and accept that certain elements are beyond our control. This is arguably more so during this pandemic. The drastic changes may have led to feelings of anxiety, dread, and fear at the uncertainty of it all. But to reinforce such statements onto an individual who is already feeling helpless and lacking control, makes the situation appear much more hopeless. This is probably the last thing others would like to hear. The evidence garnered from research shows that a generalized sense of control is important to wellbeing in daily life [8]. Hence, whilst it is important to acknowledge the aspects that are beyond our control, internalizing statements of “it is what it is” only serves to brush off the issue at hand and further invalidates someone’s experience.

“You Really Should be More Positive.”

Expressions such as these shame individuals for their pain and negative feelings. Forcing a positive outlook onto someone who is currently suffering only encourages them to stay silent about their struggles. As a consequence, they ‘feel bad for feeling bad’ and act in a way that prevents them from feeling further shame. Shame is crippling to the human spirit and produces a host of negative psychological outcomes on one’s self-esteem, emotion regulation and overall wellbeing [9]. Such statements hamper the healing process and stunts problem-solving abilities [10]. Again, there is nothing wrong with being grateful – but only if it is not obligatory or forced. Forced gratitude in these cases seem to do more harm than good; it’s the avoidance of the fact when one is in a bad situation that sets off the cascade of toxic positivity.

Countering Toxic Positivity

Avoid Negatively Judging Your Emotions

There are several ways to address negative feelings without resorting to toxic positivity. The key here is to recognize that your feelings are valid, no matter what. It is important to normalize removing any expectations and goals that they should feel better than they do. Studies show that people who avoid judging their feelings and labelling them as simply “good” or “bad,” and accepting their emotions tend to have better mental health [11]. Some of the approaches to cultivate such healthy practices include adopting reappraisal rather than suppressing one’s emotions. Healthy emotional expression involves striking a balance between re-evaluating one’s overwhelming emotions and forcing oneself to not feel emotions at all [12]. Similarly, to practice accepting emotions, especially the unpleasant ones, you can try keeping a mood journal, reflecting on the impact that your day-to-day feelings have on your thoughts and behaviours. Think of your moods in a neutral manner: They’re not ‘good’ or ‘bad’, but rather, serve (merely) as messengers about your thoughts, acts and circumstances [13].

Set Personal Goals

Setting personal goals focused on behaviours as opposed to emotional states can be helpful. This is imperative as oftentimes – desperately wanting to attain the state of happiness can leave an individual experiencing disappointment as you are not as happy as you envision yourself to be. This is supported by research showing that setting a goal to maximize happiness is counterproductive to our happiness. Instead, such a mindset increases the extent to which people value happiness, making them more vulnerable to the paradoxical effects of doing so [14]. Results of these studies show that people who value happiness set happiness standards that are difficult to obtain, leading them to feel disappointed about how they eventually feel [14]. When we compare ourselves with others, we get so caught up in reminding ourselves of someone else’s struggles that we fail to properly address our own. We also need to remind ourselves that COVID 19 has impacted us all in different ways and that each person’s experience during the pandemic is unique. There is no need to choose between ‘positives’ and ‘negatives’, ‘better’ or worse’. It is sufficient to recognize that we experience a range and variety of both throughout these challenging times.

Be Compassionate and Empathetic

When it comes to offering support to someone else, using the appropriate language is critical in steering clear of toxic positivity. Be empathetic and ask them about what sort of support they’d prefer rather than imposing your values or approaches. The balanced approach here would be to keep the attention fixated on them, all in the service of providing the other a safe space to adequately express their emotions, feel validated, and cared for.

Conclusion

We have to normalize that it is alright to feel a wide range of emotions, both pleasant and unpleasant ones, during the pandemic. We can be sad whilst still having a positive outlook. Whilst such negative emotions may be uncomfortable, repressing them – or glossing over them with positives, only serves to prolong discomfort and distress. Counting one’s blessings should not have to come at the expanse of your wellbeing.

Reference:

[1] Sawhney, V. (2020, November 10). It’s Okay to Not Be Okay. Harvard Business Review. https://hbr.org/2020/11/its-okay-to-not-be-okay

[2] Park, N., Peterson, C., Szvarca, D., Vander Molen, R. J., Kim, E. S., & Collon, K. (2014). Positive Psychology and Physical Health: Research and Applications. American journal of lifestyle medicine, 10(3), 200–206. https://doi.org/10.1177/1559827614550277

[3] Quintero, S., & Long, J. (2019). Toxic Positivity: The Dark Side of Positive Vibes. The Psychology group. https://thepsychologygroup.com/toxic-positivity/#:~:text=We%20define%20toxic%20positivity%20as,the%20authentic%20human%20emotional%20experience.

[4] Srivastava, S., Tamir, M., McGonigal, K. M., John, O. P., & Gross, J. J. (2009). The social costs of emotional suppression: a prospective study of the transition to college. Journal of personality and social psychology, 96(4), 883–897. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0014755

[5] Michinov, Nicolas (2001). When downward comparison produces negative affect: the sense of control as a moderator. Social Behavior and Personality: an international journal, 29(5), 427–444. https://doi:10.2224/sbp.2001.29.5.427

[6] Wood, J. V., Taylor, S. E., & Lichtman, R. R. (1985). Social comparison in adjustment to breast cancer. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 49(5), 1169–1183. https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/0022-3514.49.5.1169

[7] Nezlek, J. B., & Kuppens, P. (2008). Regulating Positive and Negative Emotions in Daily Life. Journal of Personality, 76(3), 561–580. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-6494.2008.00496.x

[8] Larson, R. (1989). Is feeling "in control" related to happiness in daily life? Psychological Reports, 64(3), 775–784. https://doi.org/10.2466/pr0.1989.64.3.775

[9] Velotti, P., Garofalo, C., Bottazzi, F., & Caretti, V. (2016). Faces of Shame: Implications for Self-Esteem, Emotion Regulation, Aggression, and Well-Being. The Journal of Psychology, 151(2), 171–184. https://doi.org/10.1080/00223980.2016.1248809

[10] Covert, M. V., Tangney, J. P., Maddux, J. E., & Heleno, N. M. (2003). Shame-proneness, guilt-proneness, and interpersonal problem solving: A social cognitive analysis. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 22(1), 1–12. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.22.1.1.22765

[11] Le, B. M., & Impett, E. A. (2016). The Costs of Suppressing Negative Emotions and Amplifying Positive Emotions During Parental Caregiving. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 42(3), 323–336. https://doi.org /10.1177/0146167216629122

[12] Wojnarowska, A., Kobylinska, D., & Lewczuk, K. (2020). Acceptance as an Emotion Regulation Strategy in Experimental Psychological Research: What We Know and How We Can Improve That Knowledge. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 242. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00242

[13] Wilms R, Lanwehr R and Kastenmüller A. (2020). Emotion Regulation in Everyday Life: The Role of Goals and Situational Factors. Front. Psychol, 11, 877. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.00877

[14] Mauss, I. B., Tamir, M., Anderson, C. L., & Savino, N. S. (2011). Can seeking happiness make people unhappy? [corrected] Paradoxical effects of valuing happiness. Emotion, 11(4), 807–815. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0022010

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